Chief Justice spends summer break barricading herself in chambers

barricade
Artist’s impression of Elias CJ’s latest dissent

Supreme Court staff returning to work this week found the Chief Justice’s chambers now an impenetrable fortress.  Sources understand that Dame Sian spent most of her summer break barricading herself in her chambers, the latest in a series of moves to prevent mandatory retirement this March.

The barricade appears to be constructed mainly of Law Reports, spare furniture stolen from other justices’ chambers, and wooden panelling ripped from the wall of the main courtroom.  It is not known whether the Chief Justice has taken hostages.

Police are now on the scene and it is understood they have already had to trespass from the premises an overly-excited Ted Thomas.

Receipts scattered on the ground outside the barricade indicate purchases of large amounts of bottled water from Thorndon New World and freeze-dried meals from the Kathmandu on Willis Street.  Experts estimate that the supplies could last at least until the end of 2019.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a fellow Supreme Court justice conceded that he should have seen the move coming: “When Dame Sian oversaw the redesign of judicial robes last year she insisted that they be woven with kevlar, as well as heat reflective lining that defeats infra-red heat scanners.  With the benefit of hindsight that’s going to make it pretty difficult for the Armed Offenders Squad to get her out of there.”

Expert Police negotiators expressed pessimism at being able to talk around the Chief Justice.  “We’ve been reviewing her Honour’s judgment in Hamed v R and it’s plain we’re dealing with someone with extremist views.”

Granting an exclusive interview to Strictly Obiter and all passersby, the Chief Justice shouted from the window of her first floor chambers down to the street: “You can take this office from my warm and not-yet-dead 70 year old hands.  Let’s see you outvote me 4-1 this time, you bastards.”

Her Honour’s barricade follows the Chief Justice’s removal from pipes over the Terrace Tunnel in central Wellington after a 10 hour standoff.

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