Once upon a time there was a giant. Its giant arms stretched around the world. Its giant legs stepped over oceans. The giant wore a white collar and top drawers. It had a giant hunger that it fed by eating blue chips that were as big as its giant head.
The giant had many servants in many countries. They were good at writing words and speaking prettily. The words had helped the giant grow big. The giant had grown very big indeed, but it was not everywhere.
In a small corner of the world there lived a swan. The swan was yellow and black, which not many people thought was great but that’s not the point of the story. The swan was pretty good at… construction law I think? One of its finest feathers used to be a skilled journalist’s quill. Another of its feathers always advertises his face in LawTalk which always struck me as a bit weird but it must be working for him I guess. This metaphor seems to be getting away on me a little.
The giant asked if the swan would work with it. The swan was not sure. The swan remembered that another giant – one who played the pipes – had come to the small corner before. It was still there, but its pipes no longer sounded loudly. Recently, the piper had forgotten everything it knew about medicine.
But the giant was clever. It sent a swarm of bees to the swan. The bees surrounded the swan. The bees buzzed and buzzed at the swan. They said things like “Clients have explicitly identified the New Zealand market as a priority and this combination would see the firms able to meet client needs both in New Zealand and around the globe” and “With our clients increasingly operating across Australasia and beyond, this global platform will enable us to deliver seamless service to existing clients operating in the region and globally.”
The swan listened to the buzzwords and was convinced. The swan would work with the giant.
In this brave new world the giant asked the swan to do many things.
“Would you be so kind as to set up a table?”
“Could you fetch me a tablecloth?”
“Bring me a plate, and a knife and fork.”
The swan did as the giant asked. These were, after all, synergistic client solutions.
Then the giant picked up the swan and placed it delicately on the plate.
“Little swan,” it said, “The people who write my words and speak so prettily for me tell me that it is only royalty who may eat swans.”
“I’d heard that too,” said the swan.
“It’s not true.”
And after that the giant stretched its arms and legs a little further including in the small corner where the swan used to be.
Strictly obiter 